Date: Friday, October 8, 2010
Time: 11:48 PM♥ 2 dropped a line.
A different kind of entry....
I bet my frequent readers are used to seeing entries about my day. But please expect this entry to be different. Very much different from the others...
I'm trying to step out of my comfort zone. I know I could be very transparent, but not everything is being poured out.. I still hide a couple of things inside me. I bet some people here are afraid of reading my blog because I think I sound so suicidal & all that. Hahaha ! But no, I have moved on from that stage of my life. Yes, I have thought of committing suicide atleast once.. I know visualizing isn't a sin, but I had to let go of that as soon as possible before another thought of dying would cross my mind.
Everyone knows how noisy I could be. I think that's very much evident. But the minute I keep quiet, that means I got offended... I may say I'm very much okay, yes I am. But a little hatred comes into my system & it would come out one day. I would break down & cry, scream, or eat a lot.
I'm very much thankful that I had a chance to let go of my "emo" self, as people would call it. I try to be fun & I would like my life to be very very colorful. I dislike sadness, I find it very pointless & meaningless. Maybe that's why I look younger than my age. I'm very optimistic. Very optimistic that I could say I like to lie to myself. I lie to myself a lot. I pretend to be blind. But that's how I want life to be. I'd rather get stabbed in the back, than I stab others. I really don't mind being stabbed. As long as I'm true to my feelings and towards other people. I try to lie to myself that I cannot see that they're saying bad things about me, even though the signs are eating me up.
Some of my true friends would say I'm too nice or I'm being a martyr. But that's just how I like to live my life. Full of positivity. But still, I like honesty.. Tell me what you feel about me, tell me what you think. I'd remain calm & okay.
Okay I just had to blog this.. I want to let everyone know that I'm human too & I have feelings. I may seem to be very much okay with everything.. But no, I just try to. I have my limits too. I'm still very far from my boiling point, though. But everyone would reach that eventually. I just want to warn everyone else. As I have said in my past entry, I can feel that my patience is starting to decrease. But it's still long enough to last for mid-2011, perhaps? ;) Hehehe, just kidding.
Thank you for reading. Spread the love ☮ ♥ ☺